Break, Unabridged Version

So I think I'm gonna take a little break from blogging during Lent.....

...To spend more time being and listening and less time documenting.  Its been tempting a few times already to put down cute, memorable things.  :)  But I also want to rest... mostly in the sense of it not being up to me.  To rest that He'll cover this time and it won't matter that I haven't put words and pictures down.  To rest in not needing to be known by others and know that I am known and seen by God.  I'm also resting from following others lives (which is often a temptation for me... the comparison) and wanting to look more to what He has made and is making OUR lives based on His good plans and not what I can conjure up to keep up.  Trusting that in all the things that haven't been exactly how I would have carved them, that His plan is more amazing and purposeful than I could imagine.  And at the same time, it IS all amazing... this life with my people is a dream.

So I'm thankful for this time to process and to rest.

I'm sorry if its seemed all consuming as I process this sense of loss... of losing the dream that our family would be more than the four of us (and one day it will be, it already is).  Its been HARD to say goodbye to two babies.  And so part of me wants to recognize that, to call it what it is, dammit.  (I know we all have our things like that.)  And even more of me wants to KNOW and to BELIEVE that it was all part of His GOOD plan and purpose.  So I think more resting and less striving and less looking at others, and more being and seeking could help me with that.

There is so much of me that overflows with joy and thankfulness and relief to know that He is making all things right.  He IS in control.  He IS good.  He didn't overlook us.  When I can worship and believe that in the midst of the disappointment, it makes it all sweeter, less bitter.  

I believe, Lord, help my unbelief.  

So much of me is thankful for the ways that He's taught me to long for heaven and to KNOW that my hope isn't here.  Its not on this earth.  This is temporary.

Thankful for a sweet time to think about how much I need Him.  Desperately.  

"It’s one thing to sing praise in light of good, and it is entirely another thing to sing praise in the deep recognition of sin and death and pain, to say even still, He is good."  Source 

Crafts, Tooth, Trucks, and Hook

Its a long stretch to connect those four things.  But here are pics about each of them.  :)

In an attempt to think of a free Valentine craft, Lily and I painted pine combs and gumballs pink and glittery.  I was really excited about the idea but then felt like the were just ok, not great, kinda "meh".  

But we put them on the mantle anyway.  Kinda fun. 

 The kids made and painted these Valentines holders at the free Home Depot build.  

It was my first time to join them for one.  It was lots of fun.

We got our Valentine from Valentines.  Thanks, Nee Nee!

 Peter has a loose tooth!  Wiggling it during craft time.

The science/nurse person in me thinks its really cool.  He's gotten this little gap in a matter of weeks to make room for the new one.... so cool.

 Peter finished his dump truck from Maw and Paw.  He is thrilled!

Remember Halloween?  Well, its still one of the kids' (and Mike's!) favorite things to play.  They pretend they are Peter Pan, Tiger Lily, and Captain Hook nearly daily.  If you ask Peter his favorite thing to play, he'll say Captain Hook.  The child in my sweet husband LOVES it as much as they do.  I think its his therapy.

The play set is the pirate ship.

 Hook sent Pan down the plank.

 Hook chasing Tiger Lily and Pan trying to stop him.

 One final pretty pic... :)

Thankful for a fun low key weekend full of family time and outside time!

10 years

Ten years ago today, Mike Perzanowski asked me to marry him.  

I was thrilled.  And am even more so now!

I've got a good man and I know it.

Love you, Michael.
You are a dream come true.

Blue Skies

This week has really turned around for us.  On Monday, I thought I might not survive the rest of this winter.  My body may squinch up and fall over from the darkness and cold.  And, I think crossing the one month mark to our due date may have subconsciously gotten me down.  Its hard for dreams to die.  I've found a few times lately that if I can just SAY IT, it helps.  A few weeks ago, it was telling Mike about a fresh wave of grief that led me to sadness and then to anger.  This time, it was telling Blair about it on our morning walk.  

Saying here it is, Lord.  And begging Him to take it.  

There are days I can grasp perspective.  I find that to be true most often in worship.  

Sunday at church we sang Abide with Me.

"I fear no foe, with Thee at hand to bless

Ills have no weight, tears lose their bitterness

Where is thy sting death? Where grave thy victory?

I triumph still, abide with me."   

In my heart of hearts, I can feel it.  

Ills have no weight.  Tears lose their bitterness.

What a gift that is.

He's been good to give us relief in the form of sunshine too.  Its all inter-related!

Notice Lily's new "Berry Bear" in the closest swing.

 

 I really can't believe how BIG these kids are getting.  Lily's body is getting so big.  Her perfect little body is being transformed in front of my eyes.  Long legs.  Heavier.  I remember thinking Peter had a major growth spurt at 3.5.  And its felt the same way for Lily.  She's just becoming a big girl.  My heart.  I'm thrilled for a growing, healthy girl but my baby.... where did she go?!  I miss her!!   And Peter.  He's nearly as tall as I am!

 I totally made the kids lay on the ground with me to soak in the blinding, warm sun.  

 Then Peter found a different spot. 

 Naked Winter Trees.  Gorgeous.

 Then we went to the creek.  

This girl.  A little pride and independence and ugliness lately (like her mama).

 This week has been the turn around for him too.  

His energy level has nearly improved overnight!  

 Then they really just wanted to sit by the creek.  And I realized... its so good for them too.  Its so refreshing.  We just want to stop and listen to it.  To be refreshed as He leads us beside quiet waters.  

 Shortly after this, Lily fell in with one leg.  So we headed back.  But it was all such a JOY.  So awesome to have the freedom to be with these kids, to play in creeks, to play outside, to come home with sweet bare legs.  On a crisp sunny, warm-ish day!

Good Medicine

Happy to have some days to be OUTSIDE this week after lots of rain, snow, and freezing temps. 

Peanichs on the sled :)

He thinks she's pretty.  

He often tells her "You're pretty!" or "You're cute!"  

She usually just grumbles... ugh, Lily.

 Tired Boy 

 He's been consuming Pumpkin Pancakes this week with the sore throat.

Lily is collecting bear-wies.

 Peter enjoyed studying the wheels on Lily's pink ice cream truck....

and driving it.

Clovey came out to join us and enjoy the fresh air.

about a three and a half year old girl

Lily Bug is a doll.  She adds such JOY to our family.  

I love seeing her grow and blossom and become a little girl.

* The girl loves some dance.  She laughs the entire time I put her leotard on each week.

At bedtime, after Peter is asleep (he's our early morning bird and she's our night owl) and she has Daddy and Mommy as a captive audience, she asks us if we want to see a dance.  Then she dances, turns, jumps, twirls across the room.  She often thinks she needs a headband to dance, even if she's just holding it.  She usually want to wear the heels that Aunt Emmy gave her but I tell her those aren't the best for dancing.  ;)

She's second from the left in pink.

Isn't brother sweet watching?

 Remember how Peter had a fever last week.  He's continued with a low one off and on this week.  I took him back in yesterday on Day 10 and they think he has mono.  We've tried to ease back into our routine this week.  He's come along for most things but has NO ENERGY.  So mono totally makes sense.  And he has lots of swollen nodes in his neck.  He's been extra snuggly, which I've tried to take full advantage of!  I enjoyed having him sit in my lap while we waited for Sissy at dance class.

*  She is a chatty little thing.  She has lots to say and talk about.  She spent yesterday afternoon with Goo and Goo said she talked the whole time.  Because she talks so much at home, I forget that she can be shy around others.  I've heard that she is quiet at school but always smiley and happy.  I love it that Peter's outgoing personality encourages her to be more talkative around others.

*  She loves some pretend just like her brother.  Peter bought these two cookies for Lily and Goo last eve.  Lily thought they needed to talk to each other!  :)

*  I don't know what it is about Lily's hands that I love.  (Mike thinks this is wierd of me.)  She uses them so well and so kindly.  She loves making "cards" for people and LOVES paper.  Maybe TMI, but she loves washing Peter's back and putting lotion on my hands and arms.  I pray she uses them to bless others as she grows.  Maybe one day she'll be the next Katie who cares for orphans. 

*  She LOVES her brother (and gets equally annoyed with him).  It really stresses her out when he doesn't keep up with us or is lagging behind.  She screams a stressed out/worried scream that "Pete's not coming!"

*  You know until recently, she wanted to be a "bunny what changed colors" when she grows up.  (She often uses "what" instead of "that", and I don't correct it.  :)  Recently she told me that now she wants to be a Mommy when she grows up.  She wants to have 4 kids, or 5 kids.  

I hope she gets her wish.

*  She still says her R's like W's.  And I think it is the cutest thing ever.

One of Peter's SLP's has told me I don't need to worry for a few years.

(Hope that's right, Cha!)

*  I think she's a rule follower.  

(Tho from being one myself, I know that outside rule following doesn't equal internal rule following).  She's walking down the hall at the school with her "Bubble and Duck Tail".  I'm glad we'll have early training in how to walk at school.  The cuteness kills me.

 *  She LOVES to sing!  She loved all of the new songs she got to learn around Christmas and is still singing them.  She loves to sing all the songs she learns at preschool.  She also loves to just make up her own.  At bedtime, I usually sing her three songs (don't imagine that!).  But lately, she's been singing #2 and/or #3.  It fills my tank instead of giving, giving.  I love it.  Her make up songs often involve God or Jesus.  It flatters or blesses me to think that's what she wants to sing about and I'm thankful for all the places and people she hears that from.  Her other favorites are Christmas is Coming, I "Heared" the Bells on Christmas Day, Who Made You? (I love hearing her say "I know God made me."  Thankful that she knows that.) 

  *  She wakes up clapping her hands, 

but its more of a quiet, cupped hands clap, from happiness.  

Another part of the hand thing.  I mean, seriously, that makes a morning a little better.  

And I'm not a morning person.  

We love you so very much & cherish you, Lily Bug.