deeper stuff

Despite all the cute pics, I am struggling lately.  (Truthfully, its an ongoing thing, not just a 'lately' thing, sometimes just more so than others.)  Struggling with putting my hope & contentedness everywhere but where it should be.  I put my hope in a neat, organized, clean house and children that obey, are clean and look cute (they do usually look cute but that's often the only part), LONG naptimes, in fun things to look forward to, etc, etc (basically, in my COMFORT).  And when those things don't come thru for me, I feel SO bummed, joy-stealing bummed.  I hate that!  It's hard to see your own idols & sin.  (Thanks to Steve for preaching about idols in the last year!!)

Why are you downcast, O my soul? 

       Why so disturbed within me? 

       Put your hope in God!  (Ps 42)

I think I always had this idea that you get more and more 'holy' as you grow in your Christian walk, so 'good' things would become more natural.  (Maybe that's true for some, but not for me.)  A few years ago ('04), Mike and I did Sonship.  So hard to comprehend at the time.  It talks a lot about our sin & how as time goes on, you see it more and more.  But at the same time, you need to see the Cross grow more and more to meet & cover that.  I come back to that and it comforts me (some).  Don't worry, I still regularly pray and cry out for things to make me comfortable & happy!!


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Last week I ran out of gas.  Yep, and the kids were with me.  It was actually a good gospel illustration to me.  That morning, I had been reading Paul Miller's A Praying Life and read this: "If Satan's basic game plan is pride, seeking to draw us into his life of arrogance, then God's basic game plan is humility, drawing us into the life of his Son."  So I was thankful that provided some comfort to see it as God's mercy that I be humbled & see my lack of ability to simply keep gas in the car.  Then to add to the gospel reminder part, Mike's parents so very graciously and speedily came to my rescue.  They didn't ask me how it happened, they just brought me some A/C, gas, & hugs.  Thank you, Kathy & Ski!  (And Peter thought it was great to have some time in Pop's truck.)