Lillian Moments

Lily has been really sweet lately (as usual)... and just as usual, a sweet gift and joy in the midst of grief.  And they both just make it easier to carry on... 

A few things to remember:

After a meal recently, I was on my hands and knees wiping up the floor under their little table.  She was still sitting there eating her meal.  She took her sweet little hand and just put it on my head and then ran it down my back.  It felt like a little thank you :)

Today after their gym class, we went to the car wash.  I was vacuuming the van out.  Of course, Peter was unbuckled the second we stopped and wanted to help.  So he "used" the vacuum on one side and I used another.  He was a sweet helper.  Lily just sat contently buckled in her car seat.  I leaned over her at one point to vacuum between the seats.  She just put her hands on my hand and gently ran them over my back.  I think she had her fingers "walk" on my back at one point.  I felt like Big Lillian was in her body in that moment.  I remember laying on the bed beside my grandma and her scratching or rubbing my back.  It was never really strong enough to be a  rub or sharp enough to be a scratch but just a sweet little touch that felt good, exactly like Lily's hands felt this morning.

Moving onto processing... I feel like this is one of those times when I really have to be narrowly focused in what I think about... "we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 

2 Cor 10:5b  The challenge in that comes when others jump in there {that's probably not any of you reading this :)}.  Its funny how others don't always know the strict thought plan that I'm on.  Haha.  I like my songs so I've been listening to this song, and the lyrics.  And playing these lines over and over in my head (and at times crying over the pain and sweetness and freedom of it)...

Perish every fond ambition,
All I’ve sought or hoped or known.
Yet how rich is my condition!
God and heaven are still my own.

I have stayed my heart on Thee
Storms may howl, and clouds may gather;
All must work for good to me.

Hope shall change to glad fruition,
Faith to sight, and prayer to praise.

Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.  1 Cor 13:12b

*And her little voice.  If I could only bottle it.  It is so so adorable.