Sweet Days

I have been trying to see these last 2 weeks as bonus gifts before the baby comes to get more settled and have sweet days with Lily before it's no longer just me and her during the day.

Lily has been such a sweet helper in the days since the move.  She is generally so willing and loves to help.  We went back to the old house to clean out the fridge.

We've baked fluffernutters bc she wanted to.  She said she wanted to surprise Pete with them when he came home from school.  And we gave some to Peters bus driver.  I think it's our last week riding the bus.  :(     I mean, how cute in her apron.

She helped me write thank you notes one day by decorating the envelopes.  I am sure she is a little Brenda.  She loves to write notes (I don't).  She loves to clean (I don't).  She loves to cook (I don't).  It must have skipped a generation.  I clearly remember Mom telling me that she wished I would do these things and I just didn't want to.  

One eve Mike had his guys over (thankful for a bigger house to have friends visit!) and I worked on unpacking the nursery.  It did me good to unpack baby clothes and helped it to feel more real that this is really happening.  I couldn't help but be overwhelmed at God's goodness (a theme lately?) to give me that extra time to prepare.  Although sometimes hard to wait til the bitter end for our babies, it's one of the reasons we could move at 38+ weeks.  And to have that eve to just feel Gods goodness and faithfulness to us in the gift of another child after I didn't think we'd get that.  To think of His faithfulness to carry us through two losses and help me to accept and to say He is still good.  And then to give us another.  It felt so palpable that eve.  It feels like a gift to be able to let go of my timing and see the goodness of His timing.  It doesn't come naturally for me.  But He has forced it on me in the last few years and it's been good to learn and rest in.

There is still so much to do in the nursery- but it works for now.

Lily and I have had an every other day sorta schedule.  I work hard and get tasks done but then we sit and hang out the next day, like today.  I can't help but be thankful for and so blessed by l for the JOY. that radiates from her.  She is so pleasant to be with.

Today is 39 weeks 5 days.  No news.  I go to the doctor tomorrow.  Just waiting on baby boy to break out.  ;)

Kindergarten Registration

We registered Lily for K this week!!!

I wasn't going to do it on the scheduled day because of our move but Mike thought we should go ahead and use the contract on our new house.  So we did and I'm so glad to have it under our belt.

It turned out to be a really sweet day.  Mike worked from home so Lily and I enjoyed having him with us.  And of course, I'm sure that 'Daddy coming along' upped the appeal of registering.

 I really love them.  I love how they love each other.

 It was the prettiest day.  Temperature was nice and warm, but not hot.  We'd already done homework.  So we spent the afternoon in the yard.

 Our front yard has the best afternoon sunlight.

 Lily has loved watering the inside of the daffodils that Paw planted a few years ago.

She puts water in the "pollen".

 Getting more water... such pretty light.  Soaking it in.

 Sweet Clovey loves sunbathing!

 Peter's turn to water.

I counted this our last non-crazy weekday afternoon and I just sat there and took it all in.

We had house inspection today and will start packing up this weekend. 

I went in for my 36 week visit and all looks good.  The little boy's HR had been low at my last visit so I was anxious to go in today and see my dr.  Today it was 135 and all seemed good.  So thankful for these last weeks of pregnancy.  Altho, after cleaning up for house inspection last night, I am beat today.  My parents have the kids for Aundrey's birthday weekend and I'm looking forward to a productive weekend with my man.

Progress

Coming up on 35 weeks!! Only about 5 more to go!

What the heck?

We had our new house inspection today!

All looked great!

It got me super excited and helped put any hesitations to rest. :)

What on earth will we do with so much space?!  I can't wait to find out.

Baby Boy, we can't wait to meet you.  It feels quite surreal.  But stay put til close to 40 weeks and be easy on your mama!!

Deep Thoughts on Pregnancy & Waiting

I've thought about this post so many times in my mind, and a few times with the keyboard, without finishing and hitting "publish".  I've waffled back and forth about whether to document it.  On sad days, I want to.  And on other days, I too don't want to be bothered with the heaviness. 

A few weeks ago, I had my one hour glucose tolerance test.  
(And I passed!  First time ever!!  BS of 77- go older body!!)  
Being at the office, surrounded by pregnant ladies, stirs the emotions for me again.  Every time someone "announces" their pregnancy, or congratulates someone on a pregnancy- even me-, I still feel it.  To a lesser degree, but its there, its always there somewhere. That gut reaction sometimes takes the Spirit to tame.  And leads me to remember that He is trustworthy, and He calls me to follow Him.  There is so much excitement and blessing and thrill that I'll get to hold a baby, MY baby, again soon.  But there is still the sting, the awareness, the touch of bitterness, that that place holds... the awareness of all the grief and heartache that lurks in those walls for some, and that has been so real for me, and ones I love, for seasons.  And it feels so real, so mean, so wrong. 
Part of me doesn't want to mention it.  How could I complain?  But part of me wants to make it known, not just for me but for others too.  I know that being known doesn't change what it is or make it different, but maybe it does help a little. 

This pregnancy, this baby is such a gift.  I am so excited.  But my heart still feels the ache some days of not having some of our children with us.  I also know, and don't want to forget the blessing in that.  And that somehow, God made and molded our story in that season.

This testimony (during Advent) from someone in our church during Advent really resonated (& stuck) with me related to this.  Even with a new baby on the way, I am still waiting for Jesus, and waiting for heaven.  And I don't want to misplace my hope to somewhere else.  You've gotta click and read, its really good.

Here is another part of what I scribbled in a little bit of free time that I had early on:
Also with another pregnancy comes a mixed bag of emotions.  Its what I wanted for so long, always, but the Lord had led me to a place of accepting that it wasn't His plan for us, and trusting Him in that.  His ways are not our ways.  Although always a low lying level of disappointment, in submitting to that came some joy and bittersweet, and heartbreak.  
There were also blessings.  The blessing of longing for heaven in  knowing that things aren't as they should be, but knowing He surely has a sweet purpose, and one day He will make all things {death} right.  I'm happy to be a part of His story.

26 weeks

I'll be 27 weeks pregnant with this little guy on Thursday.
Something Mike said in the last week reminded me to think of him as a baby, and not just a "pregnancy".  I think its the nurse in me that makes me want to wait til the bitter end to meet a baby, knowing that's best for the baby.  (Not that we really have control over that!)  But I have thought of myself as someone who doesn't wish away a pregnancy.    But there is something about having lost two babies early on that makes this baby feel far along already.  And makes me feel like I've already done the waiting.  I DO want him to say put til May (Lord, hear our prayer!).  Oh, just wait til I have to take care of an infant again and I'll be eating those words. Or maybe loving it?!
Maybe I just need to pray for endurance thru this next patch of transitions.  I'm ready to know how its going to play out already.
And I need the reminder that there's no heaven on earth.  We'll long for that til the day we get there and we won't be satisfied with things on this earth.  Lord, give us more of You. B/c on my own, I'm discontent and impatient!

I totally took a pic of the bump in the bathroom at Peter's OT place.

Abundance!

So much wonderful going on!

*  Our oldest little man has been sick since Wed.  He came home early from school.

He's sad looking but its been nice to have the extra time with him.  

We have the best grandparents though!  My mom was here on Wed to help so I could continue the normal schedule of running around for various pick ups and last minute Christmas errands for teachers, etc.

*  We had our 20 WEEK ULTRASOUND yesterday!  

I was SO giddy and excited beforehand (with a little sobriety mixed in occasionally).

Everything looked good.  We saw boy parts for the first time on U/S.  And how fun and real to see him moving around and all of those individual bones... vertebrae, little pigs, arm and leg bones.  :)  In the room waiting, I said to Mike that I am still shocked that we are sitting here, doing this.  I just didn't see it or think it was our story.  Thank you, Lord!  I am so thrilled.  We also talked about talks we'll be able to have with our kids when they are teenagers.  :)

So that Mike and I could be there together, Goo took Lily to dance and Pop stayed at home with sick Peter.  We are so so blessed with & thankful for awesome grandparents!

*  Lily has been such a sweet little helper with Peter being sick. She gets tissues, draws pics for him, adds random things to his stocking, and offers Peter candy from her preschool party.

Goo came over to stay with him so that I could go in for her party today.  Which was really sweet since it'll be our last preschool *Christmas* party for a few years.

She was also excited to see "pictures" of her little brother this week.

{She was so meticulous and *neat* in decorating her gingerbread house... ah, boys and girls!}

*  Its the start of Christmas break!  Woohoo!  In a few days, I'm sure I'll be sick of being home.  But I am looking forward to some slower days of being together with the kids (& Mike!) to connect more & get my finger a little more on the pulse of how everyone is doing.

First Appointment & Details

We had our first appointment with this baby pregnancy in early Oct.  I was 9 weeks along.

I'd delayed our appointment a little because there was a big anniversary weekend at church.  I really wanted to attend and celebrate.  And I didn't want the possibility of it being marked by grief.  Mentally, there were also three "fun" things to do in the days after my appointment, that I was really looking forward to and would be so sad to miss... a YL banquet- then we always go out with friends afterwards, a dinner update with a missionary OB-GYN from our church who works in Kenya, and (less exciting) Lily's class trip to the pumpkin patch (I think they asked me to go after I was trying to avoid it?).  

Another fortunate thing is that I ended up going to a different hospital than the one I've always gone to, and worked at.  My usual office didn't have an appointment time that worked.  So they offered that I go to their other location.  And it hit me that that would be a wonderful thing to not have to walk into that same room I'd walked into twice before.  

So Mike obviously came with me to the appointment.  I told him that he was walking every.single.step with me into that office, not meeting me there, not dropping me off, etc.

We ended up waiting a loooooong time (to the tune of 1.5 hours maybe) to go back.  

I was nervous but ready to know.  And mostly that morning, I felt fairly relaxed or maybe just happy to spend some extra time sitting with Mike.

Immediately at the start of the ultrasound, the tech was very gracious and quickly said 

"Good News!  The heartbeat is great!"

WOW!  Tears of joy and relief and astonishment!

The heart rate (160) was so significantly high that it was wonderful & didn't leave much room for worry.  A few other findings that has been concerning in the last pregnancy were not true this time around, which gave reassurance.

We met with the doctor & I had some lab work.  It ended up being a long morning and Mike got to go pick Lily up from preschool (maybe first time ever so a treat for her!).  It was a warm, gorgeous, sunny 70 degree day!  The three of us went to lunch to celebrate and ate outside.  It doesn't sounds so exciting to write it out, but it just stands out to me as a wonderful day of such JOY and SHOCK and AMAZEMENT!  The bright sunshine, a lunch date outside with my sweet family, and good news to celebrate!

The next few days were such joy.  It felt like such a gift to be able to go to those events, with the idea of a little one growing well.  :)