My Boy

I was just putting Peter down for his nap.  We'd had a slightly rough morning.  I'm just feeling the weight of being a mom and doing the same thing over and over, over and over (totally my issues).  And wondering when there will be more progress.  And anxiety over the unknowns of entering a new season of life, kindergarten.  Will they love my child and be patient with him?  Will he be able to sit still?  Will he pay attention?  Will he get lost (figuratively or literally) in the shuffle of a big elementary school?  Will they work with him and help him learn in a way that works for him, even if that is different than how they teach the majority of the kids?
I had someone (not associated with school) flat out ask me this week if Peter had a learning disability.  That's another story.  I was able by God's grace to see it in light of God's mercy that this person may really help us.  He is VERY smart and made perfectly by God.  I need to remind myself of that too.  And although, I was able to see how I let it roll so much quicker than I would have been able to in the past, I think its still weighing on me a few days later.  Or maybe its just the voice of the Liar bringing me down.  
Back to today, I'm reading the book Baby Dear to Peter.  We all know Peter has a soft spot for babies.  So he's studying the book: the "real" baby and the doll.  I ask him if he remembers Lily being a baby.  He says something about Lily being around when he was a baby and I tell him that she wasn't with us yet.  That God hadn't given us Lily yet.  He starts thinking about heaven, I can just tell.  
Then he says, "I can't wait to go to heaven.  When am I going to get to go to heaven?"  I tell him that I want him to stay on earth with me b/c I'd miss him toooo much (and cry all.the.time, seriously).  
I say, "Why do you want to go to heaven so much?"
"Because I miss God.  I want to see His face."
Oh, my boy.  
We have these conversations somewhat regularly.  God has put something in Peter that is special in yearning for heaven.  Call me crazy, but I often wonder if it has to do with how hard he has to work for things.  There is the sense that things are just harder for Peter and so he knows there's got to be more.  He's been through a whole bunch of tough things (all of his hospital stays and tests and anesthesias and therapies).  And daily, he works harder.  Although he doesn't say it, I know he is aware.  
It just hit me this week the buckets of money we will have poured out to work hard for this boy (not that every parent doesn't do the same in their way!).  We just added swim class to the list.  And don't hear that as complaining.  As I talked this over with Mike, my very next sentence was GOD HAS PROVIDED.  If you'd ever told me the $$$ we'd spend, I would have said it was impossible.  God has provided abundantly more than I could have imagined.  
And after these conversations and my frustrations and impatience in waiting, in learning to parent a child with extra needs (who is so wonderful and we are so blessed), I just think that this is the bonus.  This is the extra gift that really matters for eternity- that God has set eternity in the heart of our child.