again

Remember the "more on that later" comment on the last post.  Here goes...  
It may be the first some of you are hearing of it.  Its just been a lot and more than I've felt up to "talking" about.  Not because its a secret.  But we don't "announce" a pregnancy before its really "time".
We've had another miscarriage.  Boo.  I hate it.  
I found out I was pregnant 4 weeks ago.  I didn't even tell Mike for a day, which is so not like me.  I've told him right away the other 3 times.  So I did feel so hesitant about it after our miscarriage in Mar 2011, even though its been the desire of my heart since then.  I didn't even look up my possible due date for close to a week.  I normally do that before I even find out I am.  A few asked me questions like if we'd find out if it was a boy or girl and I would tell them I hadn't let it go that far in my mind.  
But you do.  
You are always hopeful.  
Its bound to be God's Spirit in us.  Even tho I know the worst is possible, I always feel hopeful that 'anything is possible with God'.  Finally, I did look up the due date and the computer said 3/4/13 (my birthday... wouldn't that have been the best birthday present!) and after my first U/S, they told me 3/3/13.  I had a D&C after my first miscarriage on 3/3/11 so that date alone had me encouraged... a little redemption for that date?  But we were told though at our first U/S that there were concerns.  We went back a week later at their recommendation.  And there was no heartbeat.  
It's wierd.  It's so disappointing.  I think one of the things that baffles me the most is that we had two completely uneventful healthy, easy pregnancies.  I've told Mike that altho I was hesitant this time and I knew it was possible that the pregnancy wasn't "viable", I never really imagined myself here... in the category of fertility problems or whatever you want to call it.  It all just seemed like a given to me, a given for us.  But are there any givens?  Which maybe is just the grace of God that he would humble me of that.  And let me in more to understand the suffering and grief of others.
I am hating that we have to walk through this grief again.  This time I feel like I have a clue what to expect and while that's maybe slightly helpful, its also just makes it worse.  
I'll go in tomorrow for a D&C.  Thanks for your prayers.