dreaming

Last night, I took a Lortab at bedtime (to ensure that I didn't have any achiness from the D&C I had the day before).  As I slept, I had the sweetest dream!  I dreamed that all of my kids were with me.  Not only two... but at least four.  In my dream, they were all with me, in my arms and two weren't in heaven.  It was at least a sweet taste of heaven, where I didn't know the ache and longing I feel here on earth.  The profound sense that things aren't right.  It wasn't a distant memory, it had never happened... I woke up and then wanted to go back to sleep... 


I read this yesterday (from Spurgeon's Beside Still Waters).  
Who knows what it is to obey God to the fullest?  Until you have laid aside your will in the most tender and painful respects, you will not know.  (fyi: This is so so hard.) To plead with God for the life of a beloved child, to see that dear child die, this is to learn obedience.  To go alone and plead with God for the life of a husband or wife, to agonize with Him for the blessing, and then to be compelled to weep at a fresh grave and still be able to say, "The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; blessed be the name of the LORD" (Job 1:21), this is to learn obedience.
Our Lord as man was made to know by His suffering what full obedience meant.  His was practical, experimental, personal acquaintance with obedience, and in all this He comes near to us.  A Son learning obedience, that is our Lord. May we not therefore walk joyfully with Him in all the rough paths of life?  May we not safely lean on the arm of One who knows every inch of the way?