I'm feeling like we are heading into this new season. And I have lots of thoughts swirling around in my head. They haven't all settled out yet into tidy places that I understand how to put exact words to. But when does that really happen anyway.
My "babies" are growing up. And whether I am ready for that or not, its happening. It feels a little like being on the cusp of parenthood again before you have your first baby. I know we are going there, into this new world of school aged kids and activities but I just don't have a sense of what its really going to be like. Its the winding down of these days of it being the three of us. What a ride its been. Its been sweet and its been good. But its also been crazy. And our house has been really messy. ;) Its been a couple years packed full of raw grief. And also the sense of the blessing that its been to have had this block of time, these years together. We got to {mostly} set our schedules. We've gotten a lot of time at home and with each other.
I'm not sure if its true, but I have this sense that we are heading into a season where others have more control over our lives. Schools will dictate our schedule. As we've done swim practice for just these first weeks of summer, it already gives me the sense that one day swim team could and activities will dictate our schedules. (The selfishness in me doesn't like that! I want to do what I want to do. And I need the Spirit to help me lay down my desires.) Soon others will have more influence on my son and then my girl. And as I have been mulling that over and trying to put words to it in my head, the best I could do was think of it as lack of control.
But then I came to my senses (the Holy Spirit?) and realized who am I fooling? I don't really have control. I haven't had control over these last six years. All that we have been given, these years, has been a gift from the Father. Its all grace. As Peter told another Mom at the pool this morning, after he'd invited everyone over to our house and to his birthday party, "Santa brings grace. Because gifts are grace."
And who am I fooling that I have done this perfectly so deserve that "control". Anything but. And I just want a few minutes hours to myself! ;) What are we apart from the grace God brings in to take us to the end of ourselves. Its there that I most often see His power and His Spirit renew me and give me what I need to keep going.
As my kids get older, I am praying about what my time should look like on here, as write our story down. I have a feeling that it may be less. Partly out of practicality because life isn't really slowing down, as I imagined it might when there were less diapers to change. And I feel like I've said a lot of what I have to say. This place has helped me to understand myself better and helped me to see patterns and understand how God is writing our story.
But also because I want to be respectful of my kids now that we aren't just learning to sit up and roll over. They are little people who I want to respect by not putting it all out there.
Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen. Eph 3:20-21
Thank you, God, for these kids. May You be glorified through their sweet lives.
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